Me the Living

Espresso. Korea. Melon Ice Cream. Autumn. Sloths. Tea. Books. The Universe. Scarves. Cozy Blankets. Roaring Fires. Jazz. Lee Minho.


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My job is so pointless in the grand scheme of things that every day I sit here not knowing how to escape and not even being able to pick up the phone until I convince myself it’s just one more month, one more year, one small blip in my life that I have to do this. But then I think about how stuck I am and how I can be stuck forever… Because isn’t that how the stories go? You start doing something and then in the blink of an eye you’re 50 and that thing you did out of convenience is your career and you’re no more fulfilled or happy than you were when you were 20 and dreaming of vast plans and experiences that never ended up occuring. Because you’re a tiny tiny organism in this huge world that doesn’t care about you - and even if IT doesn’t care but you DO - there’s nothing you can do to help people in the world while still making a living because of the barriers. All the barriers to living and succeeding and changing your path. It’s all too much and so I sit here wanting to just go home and lay in bed with something over my eyes. I want to escape into a new world of med school or volunteer work or SOMETHING that matters. And how do I do it without leaving the person I love - even if we’re still trying to work out kinks and figure things out precisely. How do I do it without vast sums of money and without support of family because they’ll wonder why I can’t just make up my mind about what I want to do and why am I trying to waste more money on another study path when I already have a perfectly good job in a perfectly good career path in a perfectly good study I quite enjoyed 5 years ago. Why do I have too many emotions and simultaneously too little emotions? Why do I not care that I can’t pass a test I don’t care about but need - and simultaneously start crying because of stupid things I don’t technically need in my relationship? Why can’t I just focus for once on one thing and like it forever instead of trying to lose myself in books that take me to different worlds outside my own?

When all is said and done - I want to leave and can’t. I’m stuck in a vortex, a black hole that is sucking me in and it feels like I’ll have no control and live the most boring life and I have to suffer through it for 60 more years until I finally can lay down and say, “well my line was meaningless and I made some money and slept through most of it, now it’s time to go.”

Lying is the best and often also the most ethical way to get a job.
For $150, this guy bought a fake résumé & callable references in an industry he’s never worked in. And got hired:

For a small fee, promises to not only craft an elaborate lie based on your exact job specifications but to see it through for as long as necessary. The site will provide a live HR operator and staged supervisor, along with building and hosting a virtual company website—complete with a local phone number and toll-free fax. CareerExcuse will even go so far as to make the fake business show up on Google Maps.

William Schmidt started the site in 2009, after being let go from his job in a round of layoffs during the lowest depths of the recession.

“While we were all unemployed, a couple of my former coworkers asked me to act as their reference for job interviews,” Schmidt recalled. “I did it for free for my friends, but then I realized that this is some there’s a pretty big demand for. It was something I could take to the public.”

He was right. Within the first 24 hours of launching the CareerExcuse site, Schmidt had already received multiple order for his services. He’s quick to brush off ethical concerns, citing horror stories from his clients about being mistreated by their former employers (and thus being unable to acquire a reference) and noting that it becomes more difficult to land a job the longer someone’s been unemployed.

Employment is a racket. So is college.

May May (x)

bless this dude.

(via spentgladiatornumbertwo)

Well, it looks like my future job worries are over.

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I refuse to subscribe to the idea that having a child is the pinnacle of a woman’s existence. We’re constantly told that people didn’t know true love, or understand the meaning of existence, and so on, until they had a child.

Speaking very generally, having been born female my body is designed to have a baby. Why then do we carry on as though having a child is the Greatest Achievement a Woman Can Make? If I were to have a child, I would consider having raised a fine, functioning adult to be an achievement. Simply having the baby, not so much.

There is a bittersweet quality to thinking about all this. I shrug and say “Probably not” when people ask about kids, and then I see female friends wish for babies with a yearning I cannot begin to fathom and I start to wonder if there’s something missing in my make-up. But is the answer to that existential question necessarily to have children? I don’t think so.

Clem Bastow, Motherhood Not the Pinnacle Of A Woman’s Life — this article explains, much more eloquently than I ever could, everything that I feel and think about way too much. Of course the comments are all miserable and terrible takes on, “Why are you bothering to write about this?” but I think it’s necessary to raise the topic. Too often, I’ve found that people react with shock and alarm when I say that having kids isn’t something that I think about for my future, because I’m just not interested. The fact that that kind of statement isn’t normalized and is instead seen as an Other is, in turn, shocking and alarming to me. (via alexbaca)

This is a good article. I believe in every women’s right to choose whether or not to reproduce. This article talks about what other people expect from the author and I can relate to that. I work at a child care in a gym and I am asked almost every week by members if I have children or if I am planning on having them (and I am young, I’ll be 21 in July). I usually make some sort of comment about how I’ll think about it after college or how the kids at work keep me busy enough. What I am thinking is, “how is it your business?” How is it appropriate for a near-stranger to ask anyone what their child-bearing plans are? How is it appropriate for almost anyone to ask someone what their child-bearing plans are?

We are past the time when we can expect someone to have children because they have a uterus.

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Depression is hard to understand, because it is not a consistent state. Depression is rather like a virus, but like a virus, it has its manageable days and its acute, life-threatening flare-ups. You can be in a depression and still laugh at a friend’s joke or have a good night at dinner or manage low-level functioning. You grocery shop and stop to pet a puppy on the corner, talk to friends in a café, maybe write something you don’t hate. When this happens, you might examine your day for clues like reading tea leaves in a cup: Was it the egg for breakfast that made the difference? The three-mile run? You think, well, maybe this thing has moved on now. And you make no sudden moves for fear of attracting its abusive attention again.

But other times…

Other times, it’s as if a hole is opening inside you, wider and wider, pressing against your lungs, pushing your internal organs into unnatural places, and you cannot draw a true breath. You are breaking inside, slowly, and everything that keeps you tethered to your life, all of your normal responses, is being sucked through the hole like an airlock emptying into space. These are the times Holly Golightly called the Mean Reds.

I call it White Knuckling it.

Miles and Miles of No Man’s Land, Libba Bray (via babybirched)

"But the stigma of depression is that it comes with the sense that you shouldn’t have it to begin with. That it is self-indulgence or emotional incompetence rather than actual illness."

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When it’s White Knuckle Time, you will have to remind yourself to stand in the middle of the subway platform, well away from the edge.”

There is an undertow to depression. It doesn’t take you all at once. It leaves you with some false sense that you are coping. That you are in control. That you have the shore still well in sight, until, at some point, you raise your head to find yourself all alone, battered by rough seas with absolutely no idea which way you should swim.”


Jesus, every damn word of this post. It’s remarkable.

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When it comes to objectification, this is a great example of why comparing male strip clubs to Hooters is a “false equivalent.”


our family has a tradition that we go out to eat for our birthday and the person of honor gets to pick the place. went here with my whole family for my brother’s b-day when he turned 14 maybe. no objections from my parents, in fact they paid an extra $5 so he could get a poloraid taken with a handful of the staff. (this from my mom who wouldn’t even let us order $2 soft drinks and made sharon and i order from the kids menu until we were embarrassingly and obviously past the kids menu age just to save a few bucks).

The first time I held a human brain in Anatomy Lab I was completely speechless. I looked at my classmates expecting a similar reaction and they looked back at me confused like…”dude let’s start identifying the structures.” I had to take a step back and let it process…in my hands was someone’s entire life. From start to finish, every memory, every emotion, every bodily control…was right there in my hands. 

(via slim-and-svelte)


Read more comics here.

Taking the Series 66 on Wednesday! Ick. But definitely need good vibes sent my way.

Also thinking of trying to “start over” and become a physician’s assistant. I’ve applied to multiple hospital volunteer programs to get my feet wet. Finance just was never what I wanted and I still don’t like it….the longer I wait, the harder it will be to start again. Nervous.

My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you’re never around assholes. That’s the two things to really fight for in life.

John Waters  (via detailsdetales)

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